• Sparky

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    Dirty Rotton Hippies Plucked From Trees

    Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

    It’s over. It’s finally friggin over. The damn tree hugging, authority smiting, pot smoking, Birkenstock wearing, shampoo hating, feces tossing, unemployed losers were finally removed from the trees. For those of you who don’t know the story, UC Berkeley was already half-baked in 1923 when they built their football stadium and they thought it would [...]

    Morons of Marketing – Taco Bell

    Saturday, August 30th, 2008

    So Taco Bell is now selling a pink taco. I don’t think I really need to say anything more. Don’t play with your food.

    Fresh Ground Foot

    Sunday, August 17th, 2008

    You know how when you’re watching some reruns at 2 am and you’re completely glazed over about to pass out in a puddle of your own drool and then something interesting actually pops up on the tube and brings you back to consciousness? I had this experience a few weeks ago when one of those [...]

    Bicycle Riding 101

    Saturday, July 26th, 2008

    Since Ice is having some fun with his 101 series attempting to “lern amerikanz new driving skillz”, I decided to do something similar. Something for a segment of the population that seems to have serious issues with geometry and passive aggressiveness, and may or may not have been dropped when they were children. Repeatedly. On [...]

    Darth Vader Visor

    Sunday, July 20th, 2008

    Dude, where’s my car? So there’s this new trend that has hit China like a Tamagotchi on crack. That’s right, I’m talking about those Darth Vader sun visors that you probably have seen Chinese women wearing. These things frighten me. For the most part, I’m not bothered by seeing someone wearing one of these while [...]

    Pushy Air Head

    Monday, July 7th, 2008

    So apparently my post photos are causing nausea symptoms to spiral out of control throughout the North American continent. So I’ll try to keep this entry a slight bit more palatable. Slightly. So a few days ago my girlfriend’s car had tires that needed a bit of air. First of all, the fact that gas [...]

    The Oompa Loompa Look

    Sunday, June 8th, 2008

    Having recently graduated from college, I noticed a trend that was becoming very popular a few years back. This trend was the Oompa Loompa Tan. Stupid girls intent on looking a sexy bronze during a Maine winter, slather on the fake tan lotion to the point of turning themselves the color of an overripe Sunkist. [...]

    Public Transport-a-Potty

    Friday, May 16th, 2008

    As I’ve mentioned before, I take the train to work right now. One of the worst parts of my day involves the thick acrid stench that is always present on the train, wafting in green squiggly waves from the grimy closet they call a bathroom. I think the most unfortunate part of it is that [...]

    Gold Digger

    Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

    What’s the point of mining for nose gold if you can’t share it with the townspeople? – Family Guy I suppose that was the reasoning of a fine chap I recently had the pleasure of noticing on the train yesterday. A mid-fifties professional middle management dude with a spare tire around his waist and a [...]

    High Horse

    Sunday, May 4th, 2008

    In case anyone missed the Kentucky Derby Saturday, a filly named Eight Belles went down today with two broken ankles and was euthanized on the spot. That really sucks. It was undoubtedly the right decision; a horse that can’t stand up won’t be able to heal, and since one of the breaks was compound, it [...]

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