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    Highway Driving 101

    By Icebeast | May 11, 2008

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    So I went home this weekend for several reasons, including friends, mother’s day and to visit my dad after his surgery. This meant that I spent 5 hours driving up and 5 hours driving back. You’d think after doing this drive enough times I’d be used to crappy drivers, but alas I’m not. So here I am ranting about the crappiness of other drivers.

    The first rule of highway driving is, If you’re in the left lane, and you’re going slower than me, MTFO (move the f over). Half the time you don’t move over, so I sit there deciding how long to wait. When I finally decide to make the move to go around, then you decide to move over. We do a little game of cat and mouse between the left and right lane, until I finally pass you. I’ll say of all the things I’m about to rant about, this annoys me the worst.

    The second rule: When you’re about to overtake a truck, DON’T FREAKING SLOW DOWN. “OOO, It’s a big scary truck. I want to pass it but I’m too scared. Let me slow down by 20 MPH and then gradually pass it. If I slow down, it wont hurt me” Who the hell thinks like this? First, your car is between 3,000 and 7,000 lbs. That truck, fully loaded, is probably between 30,000 and 50,000 lbs. If it hits you for any reason, you’re screwed. The difference between 60 and 80 MPH isn’t going to save you. Secondly, if you’re going faster past it, the odds of it hitting you are lower, since you wont be next to it so long. I mean, are you really going to suddenly lose control of your car because you’re next to a truck. (I remind everyone that this is on Interstate 5 in the middle of California. I-5 in the middle of the state may be the straightest flattest road of all time).

    Third Rule: If you’re going to pass someone, check to see if a car is in the left lane first. If it is, and that car is going 10 to 20 MPH faster than you, WAIT FOR IT TO PASS YOU FIRST. Cars cutting out in front of me just before I’m about to pass them so they can pass someone else causing me to slowdown harshly is definitely not cool.

    Fourth Rule: When you freaking pass someone, pass them quickly. This is the one that probably drives me the most insane. Someone in the distance moves out to pass someone, ok cool. Five minutes later, me and thirty others are stuck behind the SAME CAR still trying to pass. I mean please, pass someone at a speed difference of greater than 1 MPH. I mean if you’re going 60.1 MPH and the guy in front of you is going 60 MPH, do you really need to pass him? When I pass someone, I usually accelerate past the speed I’m going a little bit to make the pass quickly and then slow back down. This way, I don’t hold up any faster cars behind me, and don’t have to be next to another car very long.

    An addendum to rule 4 is, if you’re going to pass on the right, DO IT EVEN FASTER. You have no idea how much I want to kill you cause you went to the right to pass the super slow car, only to go a minuscule amount faster than him.

    Fifth Rule: When someone is passing you, DON’T FREAKING ACCELERATE. You’re sitting behind a car going 5 – 10 MPH slower than you want to go. So you move out to pass them, although suddenly, they’ve discovered the magic pedal on the right that they’ve been ignoring for the last ten minutes. I can understand the urge to not be passed, but these people don’t even notice how fast they’re going. Example: Today I come up to a car doing 75 and I want to do 80-85. I finally move to the right to pass them. I accelerate up to 85, they accelerate up to 85. I accelerate to 95, they accelerate up to 95. Now I have the luxury of getting pissed of and blowing the person away, so I quickly accelerate up to 110 and smoke em. Next thing I know, I see in my rear view mirror the car catching up to me at 90ish (now that I’ve slowed down to the speed I want to go). And then I see the realization on their face of, OMG I’m doing 90 when I normally drive 75, let me slow. down.

    Anyways, this is all I can think of at the moment. I anticipate over the course of this blog, many more rants about bad drivers.

    One last thing. If you’re sitting here thinking, “What right does this douche have to tell me how to drive, when he sounds like a complete maniac”, I respond by saying that I have had 0 traffic violations and 0 accidents in the 9 years that I’ve been driving. (Knock on wood)

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    Topics: 101 Classes, Icebeast, Rants | 3 Comments »

    3 Responses to “Highway Driving 101”

    1. Matt Says:
      May 13th, 2008 at 10:18 am

      “I have had 0 traffic violations and 0 accidents in the 9 years that I’ve been driving.”

      For the record: I was in the car with this douche when he got pulled over for making an illegal U-turn immediately after leaving a bar, when the only other car in sight was a cop. By all rights, that should be “1 traffic violation and 0 accidents,” but the cop was feeling nice.

    2. Sparky Says:
      May 13th, 2008 at 10:23 am

      And I was in the car with this douche when he was hit by a chick from our high school. And I was with this douche when he was driving people around on a provisional license. And this douche drives too fast. And so on.

    3. Icebeast Says:
      May 13th, 2008 at 11:50 am

      First, I break the law, but I’ve never been caught. And that bitch hit me.