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    Pushy Air Head

    By Sparky | July 7, 2008

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    So apparently my post photos are causing nausea symptoms to spiral out of control throughout the North American continent. So I’ll try to keep this entry a slight bit more palatable. Slightly.

    So a few days ago my girlfriend’s car had tires that needed a bit of air. First of all, the fact that gas stations can charge you for air and water is frigging ridiculous. The Chevron near my house gives it away free, but some bastard had broken off the tip of the air hose. What drives someone to consciously go to the gas station and purposely break the steel air nozzle is beyond me. So we drive around to several gas stations, wasting precious fuel mind you, trying to find another place that has free air. We ended up at a Shell station that had air and water for 75c because we were tired of driving around. After making sure the stupid thing was actually in one piece, I paid and started pumping up the tires. Halfway through, some moron in his over-priced, gas guzzling SUV pulls up at the air pump. This jackass was the type of guy that gets his SUV professionally cleaned and doesn’t tip. This was the kind of guy who honks at you if you don’t go the millisecond the light turns green. This douche was the type of guy that got pushed around in high school because he was the four-eyes, brace-face math league uggo with chow mien breath.

    Anyway, he pulls into the spot next to mine at the air pump. I could see him and his nasty, permanently grumpy wife peering out at me through her big bug-eye Gucci sunglasses. Then he backs up his house on wheels, and pulls up so close to my car that I doubt I could have even adjusted my side-view mirrors.  So, genius, if you want air, I hafta pump my tires, and in order to do that, I essentially will have to dry hump your precious $50,000 POS.

    Looking for some quarters
    Luckily, I’d already done that side of the car. So by the time he crawls out of his window, I’m done airing the tires on the other side. McDouchy take the hose and starts to air up his tires. On my quarters. Thankfully, I managed to use the Force to magically press the button that stopped the air so McDouchy and his McNozzle wife had to pay anyway. Really pays to be an impatient pushy whore of a man, doesn’t it?

    Why the hell do you hafta be so pushy? I had all sorts of visions of shoving the air hose in his nose and seeing what kind of damage I could do. Or sacrificing my automobile viginity to get the chance to let the air out of his tires on the other side. But alas, I just drove away in my 35 mpg Honda knowing that McDouchy was getting what he deserved, where he deserved it from the very gas station where his McDouchyness dribbled forth for the world.

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    Topics: Rants, Sparky | No Comments »